Honeyy Listenn

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This week’s topic is something that I feel a lot of people have problems talking about. However, mental illness is something that so many people battle with on a daily basis and it needs to be addressed. In the U.S. alone, it is estimated that 46.6 MILLION adults experience mental illness every year. That is roughly about 1 in every 25 people. Those are just adults within the U.S., that doesn’t include children or other countries. Now I want you to think of your friends, family, people you work with, yourself; regardless of the number, I can guarantee that you know someone who is experiencing some kind of mental illness. The saddest part is that you might not have any clue, unless they are someone who feels comfortable sharing that information with you. You don’t want to think of your close friends and family having to overcome this challenge, but the reality of it is that they are, and they need you. This isn’t something they just face once a day and they move on, this is something that they could be facing for weeks and they might not know how to handle the situation. 

Out of all the mental illnesses, anxiety disorders, such as Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD), and post-traumatic stress disorder lead the way with 18.1% (of the 46.6 million people), while depression takes second, with 16 MILLION people experiencing it a year. I think it is important to know the numbers because it puts it into perspective just how many people are dealing with this on their own. It also helps to see that if this is something that you are going through you aren’t alone, and it is okay to get help. Obviously everyone’s specific life events are going to be different, so not everyone is going to be feeling the same thing, but there are similarities between who are experiencing mental illness, and there is nothing to be ashamed about. The more we talk about it the more people will be comfortable not only getting help to better themselves, but it also raises awareness for people who are suffering, and for those who have lost the battle with mental illness. 

My friends and family mean the world to me, which is why this topic is so important. Many of my friends and family have experienced some kind of mental illness, which is hard for me because I care so much about them. However, they have been very open with me and what they have gone through/continue to go through. I am so thankful they feel comfortable sharing with me, because like I said before, you never really know how many people are fighting some kind of battle. What is hard for me sometimes is trying to figure out what to say to them. I want to be there in every way to support them, especially when they are feeling really low, but I’m not always the best when it comes to saying the right thing. I know that a majority of the time saying nothing and just being there for them is the best way to go, but sometimes they need someone to talk to and just listen to them.

I personally suffer from anxiety and depression. It is something I have been battling for almost 3 years now, and I am still learning how to overcome it. I have constant battles with myself that lead me to miss out on memories with friends and family. My anxiety and depression are something that hold me back and sometimes I really feel like there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. I know a lot of my friends who go through similar struggles feel the same way. We can feel stuck or lost in the world and are seeing everything happening around us but not experiencing it simply because our mental illnesses won’t let us. Mental illness is truly a battle. You can’t expect to win a battle unless you’re prepared to fight. That’s the key to helping yourself through the darkness, you have to fight. Fight for your sanity, fight for your friends/family, fight for your happiness, fight for yourself. You are not the only one going through this battle. A scary amount of people have their swords drawn and are constantly going head to head with monsters bigger and more vicious than the last. 

The hardest part may be that you never know when the battle will come to an end. Correction, the hardest part is knowing that it may never come to an end, mental illness is a lifelong battle. There will be times where the fighting simmers and you can rest easy knowing you won this round, but those monsters you spent months maybe even years fighting off will come back. There’s no telling when, why, or for how long but at some point they will return stronger than before. It’s an exhausting journey, but you can’t give up. It may feel like you’re alone in the battle, but you aren’t. You may feel helpless, but you aren’t. In order to overcome your struggles you have to make a conscious decision and push yourself to break through the darkness you feel trapped in. This may sound harsh, but you can not baby yourself during situations like this.

I have managed to get to a good place in my life where I feel more in control of my anxiety and depression. I am more aware of how I am feeling and more conscious of when they start to creep up on me. I am absolutely no expert and am fully aware that my battle is completely different than yours. With that being said, there are a few things that really helped pull me back to reality when I felt lost. 

For starters, I talked about it more. Believe it or not, I hate sharing my feelings and having people feel bad for me. What goes on in my head is my business and I don’t want to talk about it, but I pushed myself to open up to some close friends and it felt really good. I didn’t feel so alone, I knew that I now had people who knew what was going on with me and they were all so willing to help in whatever way they could. 

When I was in my low, I was perfectly content laying in my dark room watching Netflix by myself. All day, all night, through the night, and then the little sleep I did get would just set me up to do it all again. I had friends inviting me out but I chose not to go with them. I thought being alone was better than being the “sad” friend in the group and bringing everyone else down. Eventually, one of my friends who I had just bailed on showed up at my house and forced me out. We didn’t do anything exciting and I was annoyed as hell, but I needed it. After that I started to push past those negative voices in my head telling me every reason not to go hang out with people or socialize and slowly started getting my life back. 

Getting yourself on a basic routine is something that can be very helpful. It gives you control over at least one thing, and it gets you out of your bed. Make sure you go to your classes, job, or maybe even hit the gym. Keep your body and mind active, be present in the world. 

The big one that I learned the hard way is to avoid alcohol or any drugs really. All they do is numb your pain and once that numbness fades it hurts more than it did before. Easier said than done, I know. I’m not saying don’t drink at all. Go out and enjoy yourself and if you want to drink then have a drink, but don’t drink to forget or drink to be happy. It won’t work. 

Mental illnesses are not fun. They bring you to places you never knew existed. They bury you in darkness. The best thing you can do is talk about it. Tell someone! It can be your mom, sister, cousin, therapist, hair stylist, or even your dog. You gotta start somewhere. Yes it is difficult to let people into that part of your life but you’re not doing it for them… you’re doing it for you.

I recommend that you check in on the people you love. You never know what they are going through, and although people handle things differently, I know that no matter what they are going through it would mean the world if you simply told them that you are there for them. It is the little things that you can do to show them that they are not alone in whatever they are going through. And PLEASE encourage them to seek help because sometimes this isn’t something they can do by themselves. 

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You’re almost done with high school, what’s next? You decided which college, what’s your major going to be? Taking a gap year, what’s your plan? You graduated college, now what?

These are just a handful of my personal favorite lines asked by family, friends, strangers, and myself. High school is a pretty easy gig until it comes to an end and you have to decide what comes next. Once you figure that out it becomes a never ending cycle. You pick a college, then a major, then a career path and pray you can lock down a job that fits in your plan. You take a gap year, find a job, then a college, then a major, then a career path and pray you like the job you chose for your plan. You decide school isn’t for you, find a job, and then probably find another job paying more, and maybe another job that gives you opportunities for growth and success. Who knows, maybe you decide you want to join the army. Maybe you decide to travel abroad, or go on mission trips, or just do something other than what everyone is telling you.

Society has set a standard for our generation. It’s expected that we go to school, get a degree, lock down a job before graduation, move out and start our careers. Honeyy listenn, it’s okay to not fit that standard. You are a unique individual who can do whatever the hell you want. Set your own damn standards. Not everyone is made for school. Not everyone is going to find a job right after school. Not everyone has a fricken plan. If you do have a plan it will most likely change. What people don’t seem to understand is that not everyone is going to have the same plan because not everyone lives the same life. You could have a plan set but something happens unexpectedly that makes you change course. What if you hate the job you thought you were made for? What if you find something you love and are passionate about, but it doesn’t pay as much as that accounting job? What if you’ve been working at a company for years but you just aren’t happy anymore? You’re supposed to take the logical step and do what is best for your future. Most people will tell you to take the better paying job, stick with the company, and insert their own opinions into your life and your plan. But guess what, those people are not living your life with you. It’s your decision, not theirs.

Everyone makes it seem like life is a piece of cake. They fill your head with the idea that if you get a degree you’re set. Well, they lie. You can have the degree and still get beat out by people with more experience than you, or by people who went to a more prestigious school than you, or by people simply more enticing than you. If you don’t get a degree you’ll have the experience they want, but then they want you to have the degree along with it. Lemme tell ya, it sucks. It’s hard to figure out the next steps. I personally think the worst part is when you think you’ve started to figure it out. You make power moves, you feel good, you even start to get excited about what the future has in store for you, and then you rejected. Every denial will knock you down a little harder than the last and it can be very discouraging. Oh, and be ready for everyone to tell you that “it wasn’t meant to be,” or “it just means something better is out there for you”. I’m not saying these people are wrong, but hearing that doesn’t necessarily make me feel better about the situation nor does it pay my bills. Rejection is painful and it is incredibly hard to pick yourself back up. However, the most important part is to not let it keep you down. Use it as an experience for the next one. Take notes on what you did well and what you could improve on. In the long run, these denials truly are preparing you for something better. Be patient with yourself and with the process.

In the moment it may feel like everything is going wrong, especially when your friends are all getting jobs and achieving “adult” things before you. As we mentioned above, everyone moves at their own speed, and you sure as hell don’t need to compare yours to anyone else’s. How do you get past this though? I am no expert. I am still figuring out my life one step at a time, but here are a few things that have helped with the stress of trying to get my life together.

1. Set goals: take the time to sit down and set some goals for yourself. This could be anything from you trying to eat healthier, to setting a goal for yourself to move out and get your own place.
2. Gym time: take the time to get a little workout in. It doesn’t have to be a full on power lifting session every time you go to the gym. Just take the time to ‘get a lil sweaty’ (my fav), trust me, it will feel so good in the long run.
3. Self care: you absolutely deserve some self time. Spending time with yourself, taking a nice bath or hot shower, cooking dinner, and just hanging out on the couch watching your fav shows is AMAZING. There are so many little things you can do for yourself, and everyone has their own routines, but setting aside time for yourself can do wonders. If you are ever looking for suggestions feel free to contact us and we can help you out!
4. Treat yo-self: this can also be good, in moderation. This kind of goes with setting goals, but my suggestion is to save and possibly reward yourself with something that you have wanted for a while. Waiting to get something you want and treating yourself when you deserve it makes you feel so good. You reached whatever goal you set for yourself and this was something small to keep you going. Be careful though, you don’t want to go spending your money all in one place! This is just from time to time to remind yourself that you are doing a great job, so keep it up!
5. Try new things: have you wanted to get up and do something you’ve never tried before? Do it now. You have so much time. So try that new restaurant, go on that small road trip, break out of your comfort zone; you never know who you are going to meet while experiencing new things, and who knows, maybe this person is going to be the one who can help you get your career going.

What is most important to remember is that everyone has their own dreams, goals, and motivations. Unfortunately, there is no answer for what comes next. The best advice I can give is to move at your own speed and take the world on one day at a time. There will be times where it is going to suck, but keep moving forward. As time passes it will begin to suck less and less until one day you open your eyes and find yourself exactly where you want to be.

I spend an insane amount of time wondering if I’m doing it right. At some point I just remind myself that I’m doing my best. That is enough.

@hopedealerslive

GUYS, here it is!! Our very first podcast!! WOOO! Be warned it is a tad rough, but this is all a learning experience. Please give it a listen! It is based on our first blog post, so if you haven’t read that yet go and do that first! We are very open to any feedback you may have, so please feel free to contact us! ENJOY!

Honesty… an idea we were all taught, but probably haven’t stayed completely faithful to. I haven’t always been completely honest, and if you are sitting there right now thinking ‘I’m always honest’ well… you’re lying.

Guys are dumb, this is something we all pretty much know. But, my absolute biggest pet peeve when it comes to guys is when they aren’t honest with me. Before I start any type of relationship, whether it is a friendship, friends with benefits situation, or a real life relationship (which is rare) I always say the same thing in the beginning: “please be honest with me”. For the boys that are lucky enough to be more than a friend I present them with a disclaimer that states:“if at any point in time you aren’t feeling this anymore, or meet someone else, please just let me know. I’m a big girl, I can handle it.”  Those are the exact words I send them, I can show you the texts.

I like to think that I’m a pretty understanding person, and most people who know me would agree with that statement. So, if we are talking and you meet someone else you vibe with more I’m not going to be mad. Will it suck? Hell yeah, but you can’t control your feelings, and I am a strong believer that you need to trust your gut. If your gut is saying go with the other girl, then go for it, however, just tell me about it. I don’t need a full explanation of the situation. All you need to say is something along the lines of “hey this has been fun, but I met someone else” or “I’m just not feeling this anymore.” However you want to phrase it, I don’t care, just tell me. The absolute worst feeling is when you’ve been talking to a guy who’s been saying one thing, but acts the complete opposite, just to find out it was all because there was another girl involved. Don’t play games with me. Don’t tell me you’re into me and keep me as a backup in case it doesn’t work with this other girl. Be honest with me, respect me like I have respected you. It’s just that simple. Honesty is such an important part of relationships no matter what stage you are in. Now, don’t read this thinking that I am going to be bashing men the whole time because I’m not. Everyone has their flaws regardless of their gender.

I have had trouble with honesty in the past with more than just men, but with some ‘close’ friends as well. Friendships are such a strange concept, for me at least. You find someone who is going to accept you and all your weirdness (and don’t for one second think you’re not weird, you LIAR) and they are either going to help you become a better version of yourself, or they are going to make your life MISERABLE. I’m not going to call out any friends specifically, but there were definitely times where I wanted to look at them and go “what the hell is wrong with you?” Friendships, or any relationship for that matter, are supposed to be enjoyable. When it comes to my best friends, I can’t imagine what our relationship would be like without honesty. If I question telling that person something because of how they may react, I start to question our relationship altogether. Are they really my friend? Do I necessarily want this person in my life? I start to think of all the times I’ve been honest with them and have gotten complete shit back. Even if it is something as small as wanting to know how I look in my jeans, or she doesn’t like the guy I’m talking to. SPEAK UP. These are simple situations where honesty is all I want, and yet I’m getting fed a bunch of crap they think I want to hear. I don’t know if it’s because there is so much going on in the world that no one takes the time to appreciate the people in their life, but I feel like with my generation it is so hard to be honest with one another. Especially with all these different platforms of social media, where all that matters is the amount of followers and likes you can get. Who cares if you have real connections with those people, you have 1,000 followers that’s all you really need in life. Everybody is always wrapped up in something, moving at the speed of light, constantly taking things in and not caring for the people around them. The worst part – realizing that these people you have built relationships with don’t have the same respect for you. So what do you do about it? Obviously people are going to do what they want, and they certainly have a right to, but you need to think about what they offer you and what they bring to the relationship. If they are someone who is only there when THEY need you, and they can’t handle it when you call them out about it, cut’ em. Hell, if one of your friends only talks to you only when their BF/GF is gone, re-evaluate that relationship. However, if they realize their flaws and accept your feelings when you approach them about their actions that had an effect on you, keep them around. Honest conversations between two people, or even a group of people are certainly something to be cherished. Being vulnerable is okay. Being honest is great. Not everybody is going to like you, and that’s nothing to worry over. You don’t need people to like you, you need people to be honest with you.

Honeyy listenn, I have only asked for one thing, and that is honesty. If I share a relationship with you, regardless the nature of that relationship, I expect you to be up front with me and I will do the same for you.

This isn’t just another blog from some girls who want to become “popular”. This is a blog based on some real shit that we have personally been through. From mental health issues, relationship problems, men, family struggles, lack of self confidence, and everything in between. The highs and the lows, the funny and the sad. Join us, laugh with us, and laugh at us, but most importantly honeyy, listenn.